The Lord of the Borsht
by Borsht Comrades
Summary: What if cummunists ruled over Middle Earth? This is our own version of The Lord of the Rings- Veru AUish...you have been warned! So... we wlecome you to read and enjoy our parody, so step inside folks!


A/N: This is an AU.(Very! AU!) everything belongs to the mighty, wonderful Professor and all that we can say is: WE MEANT NO HARM! PLEASE DON'T SUE AND/OR KILL US!  
  
We have at least three reasons why you shouldn't:  
  
Two of us are of Russian origin and the third is our Russian of Honor- so we have every single right to laugh about communism. Also we all read Lord of the Rings and we hold a Crazy Tolkienist who claims to be an Elf (she speaks Quenya and Sindarin!) at hand. Plus.you will see.you will find it very Funny.Funny Indeed:).  
  
People! This is a Parody-, which means to laugh more about Communism then about The Lord of the Rings! So just sit back and relax, have a good time, and enjoy the ride!  
  
Three rings for the Elven philosophers under the sky, Seven for the Georgian Dwarves in their holes of stone, Nine for mortal Czars doomed to die, One for the drek* lord on his drek throne In the land of Germandor* where the shadows lie. One borsht* to rule them all, one borsht to find them, One borsht to bring them all, and in the Borshtness bind them In the land of Germandor where the shadows lie.  
  
Prologue:  
The Revolution of the Red Alliance!  
  
Once upon a time, in the dark days before the red light shone upon the weary eyes of the nations of middle earth, a great evil has emerged from the depths of capitalism, in order to destroy the fragile minds of the hard- labored people. It was in those perilous days that the heroes of the red alliance rose to lead their brethren to victory upon the enemies (the blood-sucking capitalistic bastards). Their names were Engelsdil* the rather-medium-sized and Marks-Galad*, the last high Elven revolutionary philosopher of Lindonsk.*  
  
They fought valiantly before the gates of Germandor, otherwise known to its unearthly habitants as the dark land. But alas, when all thought that victory was at hand, the dark lord himself appeared, veiled in shadows which no mortal eye (and immortal for that matter) could endure. And so he ensnared their pure hearts in the palm of his greasy capitalistic claw.  
  
In a last attempt, Engelsdil swung his mighty blade to strike the foe, but all his might was of no avail, for he whose name must not be uttered, used the deadliest of weapons, The One Ring of Capitalism. The force of it was so powerful, that Engelsdil the rather-medium-sized (known by the elves as the not-so-tall-one) fell upon his blade, and met his maker.  
  
It was then when the son of Engelsdil, Trotzskilldur* seized his father's mighty blade, and cut off the finger with the damned ring.  
  
The enemy went down with a big BOOM. And that was the end of him. or was it?  
  
Trotzskilldur took the ring as a token of victory. But it had betrayed him, for the corrupting power of the Capitalism could not be tamed, and was bestowed upon the young impressionable mind.  
  
The revolutionary comrades, who knew that the force of Capitalism never sleeps, sought to destroy the one ring. But alas, its powers had already worked their trickery ways, and Trotzskilldur could not be persuaded to abandon it (for let us admit this to thee, he was of no sharp mind).  
  
The betrayal was beyond acceptation or forgiveness. And so, Trotzskilldur found himself floating face down in the mighty cold Anduin, with an ax protruding out of his brainless skull (Witnesses say that a righteous, sardonic muwhahahaha pierced the silence at the time.).  
  
And so the ring was lost to the world, and that which must have been remembered was utterly forgotten. Or maybe, that which must have not been forgotten was not remembered?  
  
History became legend; legend became myth and myth became a bed time story for the wee impressionable minds of the youth. But none took heed that the ring was patiently awaiting it's time.  
  
A/N: we hope you liked the beginning of our parody- come around for more and stay tuned!  
  
-Drek- A German curse word that means, shit. -Germandor- Mordor combined with Germany (no offense to any German people). -Borsht- A Slavic soup, the color of red at times even brown. -Engelsdil- Elendil combined with Engels (A philosopher who though up the idea of communism). -Marks - Galad- Gil-Galad combined with Karl Marks (if you don't know who it is- see Engels). -Lindonsk- Lindon as a Russian city. -Trotzskilldur- Trotsky combined with Isildur (Trotsky was the founder of the Red Army and a nominee for the leadership after Lenin's death, Stalin declared him as a traitor and hunted him down).  
  
**Trotzskilldur's death- Isildur was killed by orc arrows and fell into the Anduin, Trotsky was killed by an ax- we decided to combine.  
  
Yours truly, The Borsht Comrades. 


End file.
